His kiss brought me out
by km022112
Summary: Jax teller was her high school crush. Alexis wasn't in his world. What happens when the 2 worlds collide. He brought her out of her shell. showed her who she really was.
1. Chapter 1

_I can still remember the way his hands grazed my face right before he was about to kiss me. They would slide up over my cheeks and into my hair. He would look deeply in my eyes, like he was searching for something, searching for the real me. Like he knew I was in there somewhere and he was going to bring it out. _

_ His lips would pass over mine, and for a quick second we were one. Time was standing still. If only those seconds had lasted longer. _

I've caught myself wanting those moments back. I've been wondering where he is, what he is doing. If he ever got away like we always talked about doing. Even now while I was sitting on the bus, staring out the window, watching familiar sites pass as we pulled closer and closer. Closer to that town that I swore to myself I would never enter again.

As the bus pulled up to the station, my palms started to sweat. I hadn't been home in almost ten years. I hardly had spoken to any of my family. Phone calls here and there, but with our history, I didn't blame them for keeping their distance. If it hadn't been for my grandfather passing away, chances are I wouldn't have been back at all.

I stepped off the bus and looked for her face. She had called the day before I left New York to make sure yet again, when my bus would be arriving. I recognized the look on her face when she saw me. The look of relief, that I had kept my word. I would have never missed this for the world. As much as my mom thought otherwise, I'm not completely heartless.

My grandfather had been a huge part of my life. After my dad had passed away when I was five, he had stepped in to be there when my dad couldn't and my mother had a hard time being around me. Too many memories of what we had before.

We were pretty well off before my dad had passed, and after we were financially set. My mom made sure that I never went without when it came to possessions. The only thing that I went without was her attention, which I needed more than anything else.

By the time I had reached high school, she didn't know who I was. Even when she tried, I pushed her away. Why then did she need to know the girl she called her daughter.

She walked towards me, tears in her eyes. I didn't know if they were because of me, or the passing of her father. There was a part of me that hoped it was both.

She wrapped her arms around me. It was awkward and short. It felt as though she couldn't let me go fast enough.

"I hope the trip wasn't too terrible. I don't know why you wouldn't just take a plane instead." My mother said. Already hearing the tone in her voice, almost like there was something else she wanted to say.

"You know how I feel about planes. Never been a huge fan." Pushing my thoughts to the back of my mind. I was only here for a few days and I didn't want to make this any more unpleasant then I already knew it was going to be.

She grabbed my bag and we started walking towards her car. She threw it in the trunk and we got in. The fifteen minute drive to the house was completely silent. Nothing but tension was in the air.

When we pulled up to the house, I noticed that nothing had changed. Stepping out of the car, everything seemed so surreal. I didn't feel like I should have been here. Even with everything that was going on. I felt out of place. We walked up the porch, my bag in her hand, she turned to look at me.

"Dinner is at 6:30, like always. You eat when I do, or you don't eat at all." There was no emotion on her face or in her voice. I had the strange feeling that I should follow her. She did after all have my bag. It wouldn't be the first time that she had rummaged through my things. The thought quickly left my mind. I am no longer a child. I have nothing to fear from my mother. I reassured myself.

The house was set right on the coast of the pacific. Carmel Bay, California. Looking now I realize nothing about the look of it is simple. The majority of the house was made up of windows that overlooked the ocean. I walked around the outside of the house taking in the familiar sights. Breathing the fresh air, fresher than New York.

Nestled in the back corner of the porch was the swing. I used to sit there with my grandfather, my father, and even him. It was my constant. Anyone who had ever meant something to me had spent time with me in this place.

As I walked closer to the swing, the more everything started to sink in. My father was gone, my grandfather was gone, he was gone. It hit me like a ton of bricks. I had known it for years, but in this moment it came rushing back.

I sat down on the swing and let it hit me. Let it wash over me like the waves over the rocks. I slowly let myself rock back and forth and I let the tears roll down my face. Let the years of unshed tears and forgotten memories leave me. As I rocked the exhaustion of the trip started to hit me. I lay down and let it take over me.

He always found his way into my thoughts. Even at night, when I slept, when I dreamed.

I was thirteen years old when I first saw him. To this day I still can tell you the first thing I ever noticed about him. His smile, hardly seen, but when he did, it lit up the room. He smiled across the cafeteria. It wasn't directed towards me, but I saw it. It almost seemed like an instant attraction, on my part at least. I didn't know what I liked more. The fact that he was a bad boy, or that I knew my mother would never approve. It hadn't mattered though. I think it took him three years before he ever knew I existed.

He sat down in front of me in biology. My heart skipped a beat when I realized it was him. The smell of his cologne was mixed with cigarette smoke. Normally it would repulse me, but not him. His blonde hair was longer now, slicked back to keep it from his eyes. He was wearing baggy jeans and t-shirt. Sunglasses pulled over his eyes. He sat back in his chair like he didn't have a care in the world.

As the teacher walked in, everyone sat up and gave their full attention, everyone except him.

"Everyone open your books to chapter one, take out your notebooks, and a pencil. You will need to take notes on this lecture for a test tomorrow." Everyone quickly did what the teacher had asked. Everyone except him, that is. His head hung almost as if he was taking a nap.

"That means you as well Mr. Teller" Mr. Williams called out. He opened his book and turned to chapter one. That's when it happened. He turned around to me, pulled his sunglasses from his eyes, and smiled.

"You happen to have an extra pencil and notebook darlin'?" He asked me with a wink.

Nothing left my mouth. Not that I wasn't trying. His blue eyes and contagious smile had me speechless. I had run this scenario through my head over and over. Thinking of what I would say when it actually happened. And here I was with nothing.

"Ummm yeah, yeah I think so." I grabbed my bag and fumbled to get the pencil and paper. As I handed them over and gave them to him my hands were shaking.

"Thanks darlin'." He said with another wink and turned back around. I still couldn't believe myself. I knew I turned all different shades of red as he waited. I was so embarrassed. It took the rest of class to talk myself out of the embarrassment.

The bell rang, signaling that the school day was finally over. Everyone quickly picked up there things. Mr. Williams' voice was lost over the sound of rustling papers and chatter from the excited teenagers. I packed my things up, still in my own world, running our first conversation over and over. I hardly noticed him standing in front of me, until I ran right into him, dropping everything I had in my hands. I hadn't embarrassed myself enough already

"Careful sweetheart, you could really hurt yourself." He says with a smirk. He kneeled down to help me with my things. He piled all my things up and handed them to me.

"Thanks. I don't know what has gotten into me today. I'm usually not like this."

His hand reached out for mine "The names Jackson, but all my friends call me Jax."

"I know." I said with a shy smile. "Alexis." I said taking his hand and shaking it.

I awoke to sound of the screen door closing. The sky was dark. I knew it was well past dinner time. My mother walked up to the porch swing. I sat up and slid over so that she could sit next to me.

"Well you missed dinner." She said, still with no emotion.

"That's alright. I wasn't very hungry." It always seemed as though she wanted to pick a fight with me. Tonight was the not the night that I was going to give in. I knew it was going to happen eventually though.

"Alright, well your stuff is in your old room. I didn't unpack. Figured you wouldn't be staying long. No need for that." She said as she got off the swing and headed back into the house.

I walked up to my old room. Everything in my room had been packed up into boxes. She had left blankets and sheets folded on the end of the queen size bed along with a pillow. I walked over to one of the boxes and pulled off the lid. The first box was old pictures from when I was younger, before my dad had passed away. We looked so happy, even my mom.

I grabbed the sheets and blankets and tossed them to the floor. The pillow was all that I needed. I knew what the night had planned for me. And it wouldn't be sleeping. For the rest of the night I tossed and turned. I wanted nothing more than for my body to give in. I wanted to see his face. I wanted to see Jax.


	2. Chapter 2

The hours had passed slowly. Just as I thought, sleep passed over me yet again.

It was still early in the morning, but I knew that my mom was already awake. I could smell the coffee coming from downstairs. Was I ready to face the day? Face her? Something told me I was going to regret getting out of bed.

I quickly jumped up and changed into my jogging clothes. Running was my way favorite way of relaxing. Starting my day off like this was the only way I'd possibly make it through.

I looked in the mirror and wiped away the eye liner that had smeared over my face. Pulling back my hair and giving myself a once over. My mom hadn't seen me in close to ten years. I could just imagine the things she would have to say about the tattoos that now covered my body. Today I was even more grateful for the door that leads to the beach from my room.

I stepped out onto the porch, letting the sun hit my skin. I stretched my arms above my head, feeling the tightness in my back and shoulders. I knew this was going to be good for me.

I made my way down towards the beach. When my feet hit the sand, I took off. The stress of the impending day had already started melting away. My mind was suddenly clear and the lack of sleep was no longer evident.

I had probably run for a couple hours. The sun was above me when I made it back to the house. As I approached, I noticed her sitting out on the porch. She saw me. Saw my arms. I knew she was going to have something to say about it. I'm glad I got my run in!

I climbed the stairs back to my room and closed the door behind me. I jumped into the shower before I went downstairs to start the day with my mother.

I walked into the kitchen and headed straight for the coffee pot. Not even making eye contact with her as she sat at the table reading the paper. I pulled a cup from the cabinet, poured a cup, and sat down next to her at the table.

She looked at my above the paper, still not speaking. I decided it was my turn to break the silence.

"So when is the service?" Trying to keep the topic on something that wouldn't cause problems.

"Tonight at 5." She was being short with me. It seemed as though she was doing it on purpose.

"Anything that you'd like me to do to help?" Letting my observation pass.

"No I've already taken care of it. I could have used the help a couple days ago."

"Sorry ma. I'm here now. If you can think of anything please let me know" I said standing from the table. "I'm going to run into town and get some flowers for the service."

"Take the car so you won't be late." She said to me still not looking up from the paper.

My mother hadn't always been like this towards me. Even after my father had passed, she had still put some effort into showing that she cared. Once I hit high school she had given up the fight. I hadn't let my grades slip or been ditching. She didn't feel like she had anything to worry about. Her job was almost over by the time I reached 16. She thought she was in the clear. She had no idea what my junior year had in store for me.

I started looking forward to my biology class every day. The seating was permanent for the remainder of the year. A whole year of being near him. Infatuation had hit me hard at 16. His cute smile and blue eyes were all it took.

I entered the room and headed straight for my seat. Mr. Williams walked in the room and asked us to pass our homework to the front. Jax turned and took my homework from my hand. He gave me a half smile. He seemed distracted by something.

"We are going to be doing a group project" Mr. Williams said "Groups of two. Your partner will be the person sitting in front of you." As soon as the words left his mouth my heart rate had sped up. Jax and I would be partners. I had hardly spoken to him over the numerous years we had gone to school together.

Mr. Williams explained the project, the expectations and how long we had to complete it. Afterwards he let us discuss and plan. Jax turned around in his seat. He started rattling off ideas on how we should make our presentation. I was a little shocked. It must have been apparent on my face, because Jax stopped and started laughing.

"What's so funny?" I asked not knowing what he was laughing at.

"You just seem so surprised. Just cause I pretend to not give a shit, doesn't mean that I really don't." He was right. He never seemed like he even paid attention to the lectures. Never even took notes. He was smarter than I had given him credit for. Which made me feel terrible.

The rest of class flew by. We passed our ideas back and forth. Outlining everything we had gone over.

"So do you want to take turns working on it. One night I take it, the next you?" I said unsure of how he wanted to do this.

"Nah, we should do it together. Maybe after school or something" Acting as though my idea hadn't crossed his mind "Can't really do it at my place though, too much shit going on."

"Yeah, yeah we could always work at my house. My mom is always working so there is no one there to bother us."

The bell rang and we started packing our bags to leave for the day. We walked out together and headed towards the parking lot.

"I have to catch a ride with one of my friends, but I can meet you there."

"I can give you a ride" he said stopping in front of a motorcycle. I looked at it unsure of what he was suggesting.

"You want me to ride that?" I said with a laugh. I had never even been close to a motorcycle let alone on the back of one. My mind when directly to my mom. What would she think? I knew she would be mad if she ever found out. I looked at the helmet Jax had held out in his hand.

"You only live once right?" He said nonchalantly.

"You know you're right! What the hell?" I grabbed the helmet and placed it on my head. My stomach was in knots. My mind was running a million miles a minute. But my heart had kept me going. Jax climbed on first and started his bike. It roared to life Gaining the attention of everyone in the parking lot. My friends looked as well. They looked horrified, but today I didn't care. It all felt unreal. I wanted this for so long. I climbed on behind him and looked around trying to find a place that I could hang on.

"You know you're going to want to hang on darlin." He said pushing back the kick stand.

"To what?" I yelled over the roar of the engine. He grabbed my right arm and pulled it around his stomach.

"To me." He said. I could hear the smile in his voice. He put a cigarette to his lips and lit it before the bike started to pull forward. As soon as I noticed the movement, my left arm quickly joined my right, squeezing Jax tightly around his stomach. We pulled out of the parking lot and took off down the road. As we sped up my eyes closed. I was terrified to look. I could feel the speed. I didn't want to see it as well. I yelled the directions as we rode down the streets of town, never once opening my eyes.

Finally the bike started to slow. I could feel it pull into a driveway. "We in the right place?" Opening my eyes I looked up at my house. We were here, and I was still alive. As terrified as I was, I still had enjoyed every second of my arms wrapped around him.

"Yeah we're here."

"You live here?" Jax asked, his eyes not leaving the house.

As I drove down Main Street, everything that I saw had some memory of him. I parked in front of the flower shop, not leaving the car yet. I knew if I sat for too long, I would drift off to thoughts of him. I was here for my grandfather's service, not to reminisce about what used to be.

I walked into the flower shop and started to browse. There was something about fresh flowers that I absolutely loved. I always kept fresh flowers in the vase on my kitchen table in New York. It seemed to brighten up the room, along with my mood, especially when I felt alone, or homesick.

As I walked around trying to pick out the perfect flowers for tonight, I heard someone walk up from the back room.

"You need help finding anything?" The women asked. I didn't look up right away.

"No. I'm just looking really. Not sure for what. It's for my grandfather's funeral."

"Alexis? Holy shit is that really you?" Not recognizing the voice I looked up. Even after 10 years I would know that face anywhere.

"Donna? Oh my god?! I can't believe this. You're still here!" Donna had been one of my friends from high school. She had dated Jax's best friend. We had talked over the phone a few times, but not recently.

"Yeah I'm still here! Like that's a surprise." She held up her left had showing off a wedding ring. "Bet this doesn't surprise you either." She laughed as I grabbed at her hand.

"To who? Do I know him?"

"Yeah I would think so. Opie and I." The words left her mouth and my jaw dropped. I had never thought that they would have made it this far. They were always so off and on again.

"That's great. I'm so happy for you both."

"Thanks Lex. I'm sorry to hear about your grandfather. I know how close the two of you were" she said leaning in to give me a hug. I wrapped my arms around her to return the hug. "Have you seen Jax yet?"

It was the only thing constantly on my mind since getting on the bus to come back home. He had plans, to get away from here, away from the life he was bound to have if he stayed.


	3. Chapter 3

Sorry this chapter isn't very long. Have an early morning, but the sooner I get home the sooner I can get started on number 4! Hope everyone is still enjoying it so far.

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><p>After leaving the flower shop, I couldn't think of anything else. He was supposed to get away from here. At least that is what he told me all those nights together on the beach. The life his father led before he died, was not the one Jax had planned for himself.<p>

* * *

><p>Jax finally broke the gaze from the house. I wanted to know what was running through his mind, but before I could ask he spoke up.<p>

"This place is fuckin insane!" he exclaimed as he walked towards the wall of windows that overlooked the ocean. I walked up next to him, trying to see what he saw. I had lived her as long as I could remember. The surroundings were normal to me.

"Yeah it's alright I suppose" I said walking towards the kitchen "we can work in here. I'll grab us something to snack on."

I walked to the fridge and pulled out a couple of sodas and a bag of chips. We sat down and started working on the outline of our project. Not really saying anything unless it had something to do with biology.

The sun began to set into the ocean. That was one of the best things about living on the ocean. The view when the sun started to go down. Mirroring off the water, making the most beautiful colors.

"Would it be cool if we went for a walk?" Jax asked as he pointed towards the beach.

"Yeah, of course. I'd like that." I said as we headed towards the back. The time hadn't even crossed my mind. All I needed was for this moment to continue. This day had become something that I never thought would happen, even if it was just a school project.

I took my shoes off at the door and he looked at me with a questioning look. "I don't want to get sand in my shoes. Besides, there is no better feeling than having sand between your toes and the water over rush over your feet.

We headed down the steps to the beach. It was quiet, other than the crash of the waves. As we walked, I could tell that something was on his mind. Still not knowing him very well, I didn't feel like I should bring it up.

"You know, I've never seen anything like this. Your house is amazing, and you live right on the water. I'd love this. Your parents must make fuckin bank."

"Well it's just my mom, grandfather, and I. My dad died when I was 5. Between her work, and him passing away we've always been pretty well off."

"Oh shit, I'm sorry. I didn't know. My old man died too. Shits rough." After a brief silence, I quickly changed the subject.

"This day has been pretty awesome, not going to lie. I've done things that I never thought I would do. Thanks for giving me a ride."

"No sweat, I'm here to please." He said with a cheesy grin. We headed back my house, the closer we got the more I realized that my mom was home. My hands started to sweat. I knew she was going crazy, not knowing where I was, and wondering whose bike was in the driveway.

My mom had heard me walking into house. Before even noticing that I was with someone, she started in on the yelling.

"No note, no phone call. Some motorcycle in the driveway. This is not like you Alexis. I thought you were more responsible than this." Finally stopping when she looked up and saw Jax standing behind me.

He reached out his hand "The names Jackson Teller. I was just leaving." He said grabbing his books and his bag and headed towards the door. I followed behind him, completely embarrassed by mom's outburst. We walked out the front door and I closed it behind me.

"I'm so sorry for that. My mom gets kind of crazy sometimes."

"Just shows she cares." Jax said. I rolled my eyes at the thought of my mom caring. Why start now after so long?

Jax pulled out a knife from his pocket, cutting a rose from the bush in front of the house. He smelled it and handed it to me. "Have a good night Lex. I'll see you in class tomorrow." He said with a wink and a grin. He turned away and headed to his bike. Lighting a cigarette before he got on and started it up.

The blush didn't leave my face, even after he left. I put the flower to my nose. It was beautiful and simple.

I kept running the last few minutes over and over in my head. Lex, no one had ever called me Lex before. I liked the sound. It felt like it fit.

* * *

><p>The service was small. Close family and friends. I couldn't cry. I was upset, I should have been there for my grandfather at the end. I was just too stubborn to forget the stupid shit my mom and I had said to each other. I would not be able to forgive myself. But still, here I sit, surrounded by family and friends, not crying. Maybe I was heartless like my mom believed after all.<p>

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><p>After the service and burial, my mom had arranged a gathering back at the house to celebrate my grandfather.<p>

On the drive back to the house, I took a little detour. I was in no hurry to get back. They were family, but they judged me, the way my mom did. Without saying a word, they didn't need to. I could read it on their faces.

The roar of the bike snapped me out of my thoughts, just in time, making me realize I needed to slam on my breaks. It was too late. I hit the car in front of me. This day just kept getting better and better. I got out of the car and looked at the damage. Thankfully nothing was wrong with either car. My mom would have killed me if I had wrecked her car. I didn't need anything else held against me. I pulled off into a parking spot of the side of the road.

The thunder of the bike was already forgotten. I sat in the car, calming my nerve. Working myself up to go back to the house. I was here for my grandpa, not my mom, or the family. Just for him. I would put my brave face back on and get through this trip.

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><p>The next few days, Jax and I spent together, finishing our project. The presentation had gone smoothly, and before I knew it, it was over.<p>

As the bell rang, I got up, gathering my things to go home. I began to walk out the door, ready to catch up to my friends to get a ride.

"Lex! Lex, wait up!" I heard someone yelling behind me. I knew it was Jax. When he reached me, he said "Just cause the project is over, doesn't mean we can't hang out, right?"

Hearing that question gave my stomach butterflies. It didn't matter what it meant. He still wanted to spend time with me. That's all that mattered.

"You know what? I'd really like that." I said with a smile. With my response he smiled. We started walking towards his bike.

"I'd like to take you to one of my favorite places. I'm sure you'll love it." He said as we got on, and started riding away.

Before I knew it we were here. Not sure where here was, I was still terrified to ride with my eyes open. We pulled onto a dirt road, I opened my eyes when he slowed and stopped his bike. There were shade trees all around us, and I could hear the trickling of water in the distance. We got off and headed down a trail, came around a group of trees, and there was a small stream. It was so peaceful. We sat along the bank of the stream and he placed his arm over my shoulder. A feeling that I could get used to, his arm made me feel safe. We sat in the silence for a little, just enjoying it.

"I come here a lot when I'm stressed, or havin a bad day, or when I'm missin my old man. Don't really ever bring anyone here."

"I can see why you would come here. You can hear your own thoughts. Sit in the silence and work your shit out. I love that you would think of bringing me here." I said smiling at him. Looking towards him, I wanted nothing more than for him to look me in the eyes. I wanted to see the depth in his beautiful blue eyes. As if he had read my thoughts, he looked at me. Before I knew what was happening, his hands were sliding over my cheeks and into my hair. His lips touched mine and for a second we were connected.

* * *

><p>I sat in the kitchen alone. Only coming out when someone else arrived late, or the snacks needed refilling. I heard a knock at the door. I gave it a second to see if someone would answer it. Another knock came from the door.<p>

"Don't move, I've got it." I said annoyed. I walked to the door and took a deep breath, placing a fake smile on my lips. Pulling the door open, I wasn't expecting what was on the other side.

"Hey, sorry to hear about your gramps." He paused slighty. Looking deep into my eyes, choosing his words carefully. "I've missed you Lex."


	4. Chapter 4

Nothing about him had really changed. The ten years had aged his rugged features; he was even more handsome than I had remembered. He looked as if though he had gained 30 lbs of pure muscle. His hair blonde hair had darkened, and it was still a little below his chin, facial hair across his jaw line and outlining his mouth. The look in his eyes was pure exhaustion, not sure if it was from lack of sleep or the lifestyle he had been following since I had left.

He wore a blue hoodie, and a pair of baggy pants. Rings covering his fingers, chain from his wallet, knife hanging from his side. His kutte was hanging off his shoulders, the leather worn from years of use. The life had been hard on him, I could tell.

He studied my face, especially my eyes, looking for something. Forgiveness, relief, any sign that I was happy to see him.

I didn't know how I really felt about him standing there in front of me. In that moment though, the only thing I was really for sure about, was that I wanted his strong arms around me. I wanted to feel safe the way I did back then.

Tears started rolling down my face, and in that second he knew. He pulled me into him, wrapping his arms around me. I had always fit perfectly in his tall frame, like I was built just for him. All the anger, frustration, and disappointment I had felt when I left, melted away, and I was content right there, in his arms where I always thought I should have been.

* * *

><p>Jax broke away from the kiss. A smile crossed his lips, he looked away, and a blush showed in his cheeks.<p>

"I've wanted to do that all day, darlin'." A blush now filled my cheeks; it was my turn to look away. I bit my bottom lip, and before I could look away, he kissed me again, this time shorter but just as sweet.

"You think you might want to hang out with me and of my crew this weekend?" He said looking hopeful.

"I'd like that." I said, not hesitating to answer.

He smiled and wrapped his arm around me so I could lean into him. We sat in the silence, just enjoying each other's company.

The next few days wouldn't go fast enough. I couldn't wait to see what the weekend had planned. I was a little unsure about meeting his friends. Jax and I weren't really part of the same world. He kept reassuring me that they would love me; I had nothing to worry about.

Trying to get ready for that night seemed to take forever. Wanting my make-up and outfit just right. I finally settled on subtle eyeliner and mascara, nothing too over whelming. I pulled on a pair of tight fitting jeans that hung low on my hips, they were worn, with holes down the legs. I kept looking at my purchase from the day before that I had laid out on my bed. It wasn't really something you'd see me wearing but I loved the idea of it, not to mention it had looked amazing on me. It was tight fitting, sitting about 2 inches from the top of my jeans, showing off my stomach. On the back, there were cut outs like angel wings, exposing my bare back.

"Screw it!" I said out loud to myself, pulling the shirt on over my head. I finished the look with a pair of tan wedges that made me about 4 inches taller.

I let my hair fall out of the pony tail I had it in. I had beautiful flowing, red hair, but there was so much of it I hardly ever wore it down. Today I was going to. I curled the ends just to give it a bit of a wave.

I was ready and anxiously awaiting Jax's arrival. I rushed to the door when I heard the knock. I was a little nervous about his reaction, but when I opened the door he seemed pleased with what he saw.

"Holy shit Lex. I love the look. And your hair, wow." Jax said, trying to find words. I smiled at this. I didn't know what it was about him, or maybe it was even the outfit, but I felt edgy. I grabbed him by his shirt and pulled him into me, putting my lips against his. This time he slid his tongue across my lips, asking for permission to enter. Of course I let him. My hands found their way up his chest and around his neck, while his hands wondered down my sides and rested on my hips. The shirt was a good choice apparently.

I closed the door behind me. Jax had my hand as he lead me to his bike. He handed me a helmet and he got on. I lifted one leg to straddle his bike, and lowered myself on. He watched me as I did, with a grin on his face.

"What? Something wrong?" I asked.

"Babe, you don't want to know what I'm thinking about right now." He said with a wink. I wrapped my hands tightly around his waist, as we took off.

We pulled into a lot that looked to belong to a mechanic shop. The gathering was already in full swing. I was expecting for it just to be a group of kids our age, but everyone that surrounded us had to be late 20's early 30's. Everyone seemed to have a beer in hand and a cigarette hanging out of their mouth. I already felt over my head.

Sensing that I was uneasy, Jax grabbed my hand and kissed it. Keeping hold of my hand, he lead me to a group that was standing around a fire barrel. "I want to introduce you to some of my family." He said.

"This here is Opie, Donna, Chibs, Bobby, Opie's dad Piney, Tig, and that guy over there," He said pointing to an older man, wearing bandana around his head. "Is my step dad Clay, and the women he's got his arm around, is my mom Gemma."

I waved to everyone in the group. Donna and Opie both looked about our age. So I stayed close to them and Jax most of the time. Jax wandered off to the bathroom.

"I know it seems a little intimidating, they are great people. They look a little tough on the outside, but they are nothing to worry about. They're all family here." Donna said.

"Is it that apparent how terrified I am?" I said with a laugh.

"A little, but I was the same way the first time I came around. They'll warm up eventually."

Jax came back with a couple beers in his hand. He gave one to Opie and offered one to me. I had never had beer before, but I accepted it and took a drink. The longer we sat, the more I drank. A couple hours in and I was feeling really good. I was bullshitting with everyone around me.

"I think it might be time to cut you off." Jax said taking the beer from my hand. "I should probably get you home."

"Are you kiddin? My mom would kill me, besides she thinks I'm staying the night at a friend's place. I've got all night." I said winking at Jax.

"Oh is that so? Well let's get you to bed then, lightweight."

Jax led me into the building, which looked like a clubhouse. There was a bar, stocked full of alcohol, tables scattered around the room. Everyone looked to be in about the same state as I fell, ready to pass out. I wanted nothing more than to lay down and just fall asleep.

Jax took me into a room, and closed the door behind us.

"I've wanted to be alone with you all night." I said pulling Jax to me, pulling at his shirt.

"Woah babe, you don't know what you're doing. You've had way too much to drink." He said pushing my hands away.

"I know exactly what I'm doing, I want this." I kissed his lips, and down his chin, till I got to his neck. I pulled my shirt off over my head and started working on his. As much as he objected, he was having a hard time saying no to me.

I pushed him back onto the bed and started sliding my pants down my legs. He watched as I did so, stumbling to pull my legs out of my jeans. I straddled Jax as he lay back on the bed, his hands roaming my body and his mouth finding its way to my neck. Jax rolled me over, positioning himself on top of me. As soon as my head hit the pillow, I felt heavy, more tired than I ever thought I could be. Then I was out.

* * *

><p>As Jax held me in his arms, the tears continued. I pulled away, not caring about anything else going on around me. I could hear my mom in the background. I pulled Jax to me and kissed him.<p>

"I've missed you so fuckin bad. I'm so glad you're here" I said as I pulled away.


	5. Chapter 5

_**I have used a part from season 1. I will do this from time to time. The parts that stick out the most to me. Sorry these aren't as long lately. I will hopefully have a few long chapters coming this next weekend!**_

* * *

><p>Nothing else seemed to matter, just me and him. My mom was clearly standing behind me, yelling, but I didn't hear any of it. His thumb caressed my face, wiping away the tears.<p>

"It's ok baby. I'm here now." He said with a slight smile on his face.

Still not hearing anything my mom was saying, Jax took my hand and we walked to his bike. Getting on, riding away. I needed to get away right now, in this moment, all I needed was him.

The ride was silent and I had no idea where we were heading, but that didn't matter. I wanted him to take me away from this. He was always good at that. We rode around for a while. We were both enjoying this feeling again. After a while I realized where we were going. He was taking me to our place, the streams.

Getting off the bike after parking, he grabbed a blanket from his bag, almost as if he had planned how this was going to happen. He even grabbed a bag of food along with a couple beers. He placed the blanket on the ground, lying down on his side, and patting the spot next to him.

"You had this all planned out, didn't you?" I said with a laugh.

"Well, more like I had hoped it would turn out this way." He said rubbing the spot next to him. I laughed again and sat down on the blanket. We ate while we sat, catching up on everything that's been happening in the past 10 years. Life was about the same for him, as it was when I left.

"Protecting" Charming, as he called it, had kept him busy.

"I didn't have a choice. I wouldn't have made it in any other life." Jax said seeing the questioning look on my face.

"You always had a choice. You had the choice to leave with me, to start a new life."

"I couldn't just leave my family, you know that." He said seeing the sad look in my eyes.

Looking down, playing with my hands, he reached out. Lifting my head up with his hand he said "None of that matters right this second though. Only thing that matters right now is us." He leaned in and kissed my lips, pulling me down on top of him. The kiss deepened as his hands slid down my sides. I moaned from his touch. I've longed for this touch for far too long. As I went for his pants, he stopped my hands.

"As much as I want this, I don't want it here, not this way. Let's go back to my place."

We packed everything back up and headed back to his place.

* * *

><p>The house was cute. Never thought of him ever owning a house, it made him seem so grown up. Entering the house, I looked around. It seemed to fit him, fit his style. As he put a few things away, I went in search of the bathroom. I peaked behind a door, the walls were painted pale blue, and a changing table was against one wall, with a crib on the opposite. The name Abel was hanging on the wall above the crib and a motorcycle mobile hung about it.<p>

Jax walked up behind me. I turned to look at him, with hurt in my eyes.

"Lex, let me explain." He said reaching for my hand. I pulled away instantly.

"When were you planning on telling me?"

"It's not what you think. I married Wendy a year ago."

"You're married!?"

"We're separated now, divorce is pending. We tried to reconcile about 6 months back. She got pregnant, and started using again. I haven't been with her since."

I started to walk past Jax towards the front door. I didn't want to hear this. I didn't want my heart to break all over again. It was supposed to be me.

"Don't you get tired of it? Running?" Jax called out to me as I reached the door.

"I'm not running." I said stopping with my hand on the door knob.

"Your life is a series of hit and runs. The minute someone make you feel uncomfortable, tests your loyalty little Alexis packs her bags and hits the road."

"That's not fair." I said turning around to face him.

"Not fair? You want to know how many women I've slept with over the last 10 years?"

"Don't do this."

"Hundreds! Maybe more, I don't know. I barely see their faces. I married Wendy because I was lonely because I got tired of the endless disconnect. It was just a sad time out. Because when I'm inside someone, there's only one face I see. When you came home, it was like some kind of sign to me. Like my past coming round, giving me another shot to do this different, better. Now that chance is running away again."

That was the last thing I ever expected. It might have been the most disgustingly sweet thing that anyone has ever said to me.

* * *

><p>I can still remember the first time, our first time. He had taken me out that night for dinner, a cute little diner on main. We sat at the window seat; he held my hand across the table, not once letting it go. The waitress was flirting, not even acknowledging me. Jax hadn't seemed to notice. I was the only girl in his world. I was all he needed. After dinner we walked down the street, his arm wrapped around my shoulder.<p>

"I kind of got us a place, for the night." Jax said nervously, running his hands through his hair. I could tell he didn't want to make eye contact. Not sure how I would react to his statement.

"Hey," I said getting him to look at me "I was hoping you would."

He smiled, the nervousness he had felt, melted away. We walked to the hotel. My stomach was doing flips. I had never done this before. I was happy it was going to be with him though. We got to the door to our room, fumbling with the key, he opened it.

The room was nice. I had no idea how he could afford something like this, but that was the furthest thing from my mind. The king size bed looked so comfortable. I couldn't wait to lie down. Off to the side of the bed, was a large Jacuzzi tub. Candles lined the edge; a vase of roses joined them.

Jax lit the candles, and then turned to switch off the lights. He kissed my lips slowly, sliding a strand of hair from my face. He walked back, still kissing me, until he reached the bed. Sitting down he leaned back as he watched me. I slowly pulled my shirt off over my head, and grabbed for my pants, sliding them down my legs.

My hands reached to cover me, not doing a very good job. Jax pulled my hands down, into his hands.

"Lex, don't' do that. You are the most beautiful thing I've ever seen."

With that, I let myself go. He wanted me, he was here for me, and he did all this for me. He pulled me into him, kissing his lips, as he fell back onto the bed. His hands wandered my body. His hands knew my body, not in this way though. Everything seemed new and exciting. They worked their way to my bra and unhooked it quickly. Throwing it to the side then rolling me over so he could look at me. He trailed kisses from my lips, to my neck, to my chest, finally reaching my nipples. I let out a moan. Jax pulled his shirt off, throwing it to the floor. I grabbed at his back, I wanted him closer.

I could feel him growing against me. I wrapped my legs around him, pulling him into me. Grinding into him, the excitement was growing. His hand slid down, into my panties. The touch I was nervous for, felt so incredible. I was wet from excitement, the feel of me made him moan.

"Fuck darlin'." He pulled my panties from me, revealing everything. He stood from the bed, fumbling to pull his pants and boxers down. Climbing back on top of me, he looked into my eyes.

"You sure about this? I can stop."

"I'm sure. I want this." I said smiling, reassuring him. With that, he led himself to my entrance. Starting with the tip, he entered me. Further and further till he was completely inside me.

I moaned, from pleasure and pain. With each movement, it became nothing but pleasure.

As quickly as it began, it was over. It would not be the last time we made love that night. I couldn't get enough. The kissing had brought us closer, but making love connected us on a whole new level.

That night I fell asleep in his arms with a smile on my face, and awoke the same way.

* * *

><p>I stepped towards him, I knew he was right. I would not run away, not again. I was going to take him for everything he was. That would be the only way it would work. I would not make this mistake again. He was mine, and I was his.<p>

Then we made love. Just like the first time, our first time, all over again.


	6. Chapter 6

The morning came too quickly. I woke up, reaching to the spot next to me, feeling nothing. I looked around the room, still seeing our clothes scattered across the floor. The memories of the night passing through my mind, everything about it had been perfect.

I sat up in bed, grabbing the closest thing to me, one of his shirts. Pulling it over my head, looking up, seeing my reflection starring me back in the mirror, the shirt was far too big. SAMCRO was across the front. Looking at the letters, knowing what it meant, what it meant to Jax.

I walked into the hall, the scent of coffee hit my nose. Reaching the kitchen, there he was, standing in front of the stove, wearing a pair of sweat pants. I leaned against the door jam, just watching. I still couldn't believe what the years had done to him, all for the better. Just watching, he had brought a smile to my face.

Noticing me looking at him, he smiled. "See something you like darlin'?"

"Yes, in fact I do." I said walking towards him.

"I could get use to this," he said eyeing me up and down "it's a good look on you."

I could feel the blush returning to my face. He knew how to get me every time.

"You like the 'just been fucked' look?" I said with a laugh.

"I do, only because I was the one to do it." He said pulling me to him, placing a kiss on my lips.

"I made you breakfast. I was trying to be charming and do breakfast in bed, so much for that." He said placing a plate on the table for me.

"Thanks, I'm starving!" I said heading to the table. "Don't worry though; I'll let you take me back to bed." I winked at him, pulling out the chair to sit down.

He grabbed me and lifted me up, wrapping my legs around his waist; he placed me on the counter. "Why the bed, when I can have you right here?" He kissed me deeply, pushing me back against the cabinet behind me. His mouth wandered down my neck, my hands running threw his hair. He pulled down his pants just enough, quickly finding his way inside me. His hands wandered up under my shirt, grabbing at my breasts, playing with my nipples. I let out a moan as he began thrusting. I wanted him closer, wanted him deeper, but I don't think that was even possible. He moaned my name. He was almost there, but so was I. The intensity, the spontaneity, made it quick. We both let out a moan as we finished together. As our breathing calmed, he leaned his head against mine.

"Lex, I've been lost without you. I feel like I can breathe for the first time in years."

"Keep breathing, I'm not going anywhere." I said kissing his lips softly. We sat together at the table and ate our breakfast. My hand never leaving his, feeling almost as if I let him go, I wouldn't get him back.

After breakfast we took a shower together, washing each other. My hands washing over the scars that covered his body, as he explained where they came from. I wanted nothing more than to wash them away. Maybe if I would have stayed, they wouldn't have been. I know that it would have happened either way; it was the life he was destined to live, being Prince of Charming after all.

My mom had been blowing up my phone all night, between text messages and voicemails, I knew she was upset.

"I'll go with you; I'm not going to let you deal with her all alone." He had seen the fights; he knew what it did to me. I couldn't handle her alone.

Riding up the house, my stomach started doing flips. This was something I had wanted to avoid. I had no intention of seeing Jax though. We walked to the front door, hand in hand. He squeezed as I reached for the door knob, reassuring me that he would be there. Before I could turn it, she pulled the door open, with her hand on one hip, and the other still on the door.

"What it wrong with you? Where the hell have you been?"

"Mom, I don't want to do this. I just had to get away for a minute. You're not the only one who was upset."

"With him though Alexis?! You know what kind of things he's into? The drugs, the women, prison? Don't be stupid." The disgust dripped from every word. She was always so judgmental when it came to Jax, never willing to give him a chance. "I don't know what I'm saying, you're no better than him. Look what you did to yourself, to your body," she said pointing at my arms. "You were always so beautiful, you ruined yourself. He ruined you."

"You have no idea what you're saying! She gets more beautiful every time I see her." Jax said looking at me.

"You don't know him, you don't know me."

"Your father and grandfather, they would be so disappointed in what you have become."She said leaving the front door. She returned with my bags, tossing them towards Jax and I.

"Mom I know you're upset, but you don't have to hurt me."

"You're not welcome here anymore." She slammed the door in our face. I was in shock, she had never approved of Jax and I, or the fact that I left California, but I never thought that she would go so far, or so low. Walking back to Jax's bike, he still held my hand in his. He pulled his phone from his pocket.

"I'll call one of the prospects to come get your stuff. Then we can head to the clubhouse. I'm sure everyone would love to see you."

Not even 15 minutes later, someone pulled up in a tow truck. He grabbed my bags quickly and placed them in the truck. Coming back to where Jax and I stood, he reached out his hand.

"The names Half Sack." I reached out my hand and shook his.

"Alexis, or Lex. Whatever you prefer."

"Don't speak unless you're spoken to prospect." Jax said, with an irritated look on his face.

"Right, yeah right. Sorry." He said looking embarrassed.

"Take her stuff to my place, and then meet us back at the clubhouse." He said walking towards his bike.

Half Sack ran to the truck, getting in and driving off.

"Why did you do that? He was just trying to be polite."

"That's my job as VP. He has to work for that top rocker. Don't worry darlin'."

We took off towards the club. I couldn't wait to see everyone. Even in the short time Jax and I had been together in high school, I had gotten close with everyone. They were Jax's family.

Pulling up, it seemed to be another day at the shop. Mechanics and motorcycle enthusiasts, as Clay had once put it. Jax backed his bike into his spot, along the row of motorcycles. Getting off and placing my helmet on the handle bar of his bike. We walked to the garage, his arm draped over my shoulder, mine around his waist. Everyone stopped working, watching us as we got closer. Clay, Chibs, Tig, Bobby, Piney, and Opie walked out, smiles appearing on their faces.

"Look who it is! Donna told me you were back in town." Opie said coming in to give me a hug.

"Nice to see you Doll" Tig said, his eyes wandering over my body. "You're really grown up."

"Watch it Tig. She's just as off limits now as she was then, if not more." Jax said, only half joking with Tig.

"Welcome home Lex." Clay said giving me the biggest hug of them all.

Everyone else exchanged hugs with me. I missed this; it was so comfortable, so much more than my home had ever been. We headed towards the office. I knew who we were going to see next. I didn't know how she felt about me anymore. She had always been pretty welcoming, but that was before I had left California, left Jax.

She looked at me above her glasses, then back to the paperwork she was filling out, not realizing who I was at first. After a brief thought, she looked up again, pulling her glasses from her face, dropping them on the desk.

"Holy shit! Come here honey." Gemma said hugging me then standing back so she could take a look at me. "You filled in real nice." She said laughing and hugging me again.

"Well thanks Gemma." I said with a laugh, hugging her back. I hadn't expected it to go as well as it was, but I was thankful it had. Gemma had a bad side that I had seen more than a few times. I didn't want to be on the wrong end of it.

She lead me into the clubhouse, her arm wrapped in mine, leaving Jax behind.

"Come on, let's get a drink, and catch up a little."

* * *

><p>Opie walked up to Jax, both of them pulling out a cigarette. "That's something huh? After all this time, she comes back, and it's almost like she never left."<p>

"It almost feels surreal, ya know? I'm taking every moment of it."

"How long she going to be here for man?"

"I don't really know, she was here for the funeral. I don't even want to think about her leaving."

"She has a life in New York. You have to think about it, you have to talk about it, eventually."

"Yeah, she's staying with me till she leaves, we'll have time. We're just kind of catching up right now." Jax said throwing his cigarette to the ground, putting it out.

* * *

><p>Gemma and had been sitting at the bar. Half Sack had showed up, and was now working behind the bar. He gave us both a beer, and started cleaning up from the night before.<p>

As Gemma and I sat talking, women had been in and out of the club. I remembered them from my first trip here; they were 'crow eaters'. They were here to service the members of the club, anytime, anywhere. Gemma acted as though she didn't see them, but I couldn't help it. They were hardly wearing any clothing, still hung over from the party the previous night.

I finally snapped back to the conversation when Gemma excused herself to the restroom. I sat there, taking a drink of my beer. Suddenly someone sat down beside me, I hadn't met him before, but he was wearing a kutte.

"My names Juice, you must be new around here." He said smiling, looking over me.

"Alexis." I said laughing; he had no idea who I was.

Half Sack stopped cleaning, noticing how Juice was looking at me.

"Juice, you probably.."

"Remember the rules prospect." Juice said, stopping Half Sack mid sentence.

"I was just…"

"Finish cleaning." Stopping Half Sack, yet again. Half sack looked at Juice, then to me, shrugging his shoulders, getting back to cleaning the room.

"Anyway, where were we?" Juice said placing his arm around me. "You want to go somewhere we can be alone."

Just then Jax was walking up behind us.

"I swear, I can't leave you alone for 5 minutes without someone makin' a move on you." Jax said pulling Juice's arm from me.

"She already yours for the night? Sorry bro."

"She's with me, tonight, and every night after that." He said putting his arm around me pulling me into him. I wasn't property to anyone, but the feeling of Jax claiming me, made me happy. I only wanted to be his.

I looked at him, smiling.

"What?" He said smiling back.

"I'm your old lady."

"Yes darlin', you always were."


	7. Chapter 7

In this chapter I'm going to start the explanation as to why Alexis left California. Its been forever since I've written so this one might be a little rough. Thanks for all that are still reading!

Flashback

That summer opened my eyes to the life of the club. I don't know what had terrified me more, the truth, or the fact that they hid it so well from the people that surrounded them.

Jax and Opie started prospecting for SAMCRO. They had been destined to wear the patch, whether they had wanted it or not.

First run of the summer was a children's blood drive. The idea seemed sweet to me, manly bikers riding up and down the coast, getting people involved.

Donna and I showed up at the club to see them off, they were only going to be gone for the weekend, but the weekend seemed like an eternity.

When we got there Jax and Opie were loading the van. 'Bitch work' as Jax had referred to it. This was part of the process though, he understood that. When they saw us walking up, they quickly closed the doors to the van. Neither Donna or I thinking anything of it.

"I'm going to miss you like crazy." I said with a pouty face, the one I knew he couldn't resist.

"I know babe, but it's only going to be a couple days. I'll be back before you know it." He said placing a kiss on my forehead. "I bet you'll have a really good welcome home gift to give me." He said winking.

"You'd be so lucky." I said jokingly.

The club members started up their bikes, it was time for them to head out. Jax and Opie said their goodbyes to Donna and I. They climbed in, driving away, waving as they left the lot.

Donna and I spent the next couple days helping at the garage. Anything Gemma needed we did. Most of the day was spent serving the hang-arounds drinks and meals. We hadn't minded though, we just wanted to stay busy. By Sunday morning, Donna and I had been worried. We weren't used to the lack of contact from the guys. Their phones had been off the entire time, but that hadn't stopped either one of us from checking our phones every five minutes.

As we were serving lunch to the guys in the garage, groups of people had started showing up. They were setting up for the welcome home party for the guys. Out of all the things SAMCRO was known for, throwing parties was number one.

The next couple hours had flown by, getting ready for the night to come. We barely noticed the cheering we had heard coming from the parking lot. Donna and I looked at each other, quickly dropping everything we were doing.

First the members that were riding bikes pulled in, followed by the van that Opie and Jax had been driving. They parked and emerged from the van. They looked exhausted, emotionless almost. They didn't even glance our direction before heading into the clubhouse.

Before we could follow them, Gemma stopped us.

"You comfort them, love them, but never ask questions." she said, looking between Donna and I.

As Gemma walked away, Donna and I exchanged looks. She knew something that we didn't, the reason for the way the guys had been acting.

Without saying anything, Donna walked to Opie's room. She didn't seem as concerned with what Gemma had said. As I stood by myself at the door to the clubhouse, I realized, this was his life. If I wanted Jax, I had to accept the life, whatever that life was, and that meant not asking questions.

I walked into the clubhouse, grabbed a beer from the bar, and headed to Jax's room. I entered, his clothes that he was wearing were thrown on the floor. The water was going in the shower, he was washing away whatever had happened the last few days. I began picking up his clothes, placing them in a pile. Something fell from the handful I had grabbed, making a loud thud when it hit the floor, whatever it was, was heavy. Looking down, seeing what had fallen. It was a handgun. What could he possibly need a gun for on a blood drive. Was this what Gemma had been talking about? I would do as she said, I would not ask questions. Putting the pile of clothes back on the floor, covering the gun.

I stripped down, climbing in the shower behind Jax. I would comfort him, in any way possible, in the best way that I knew how.

After that day I tried to push the thoughts and questions that came up about the club, out of my mind. Every time Jax went on a run, he armed himself with more weapons. Guns, knives, and even went as far as bulletproof vests. When he would come back, he seemed worn, troubled almost. No matter what, I reminded myself of Gemma's warning. Always smiling when he came and went.

* * *

><p>Something about this run was different. The air surrounding the club was thick and unsettling. The run was only supposed to go through the night. I had never seen SAMCRO this way. As they were about leave, Jax held my hand tightly.<p>

"Lex, you know I care about you, right? He said kissing my hand.

"Of course I do! I'll see you tomorrow. Its just one night." Trying to reassure whatever he had been feeling.

"I know, I just don't want to go without you knowing how much you mean to me." Looking down at his feet.

"Hey," I said, reaching to his face, tilting his chin up so he was looking at me. "you'll come home to me, I know it." It sounded as though I was trying to convincing myself just as much as I was trying to convince him.

"God I love you, you amaze me." he said. As soon as the words left his mouth,I smiled. "What are you smiling about?"

"That's just the first time you said that to me. I love you too." I said.

"Time to head out Jax, say your goodbyes" Clay yelled to him.

He grabbed my face the way he always did, pulling me in, kissing me deeply. It was different this time, like this was going to be the last time. I didn't like this feeling. I couldn't imagine him not coming back to me.

"I love you." He said walking away, not wanting to let go of my hand.

He came back and gave me one last kiss, then turned around, getting into the van.

I waved to him, his only return was a slight smile. I instantly felt like something was wrong.

Gemma walked towards me, obviously noticing the look on my face. I was worried, and this time I couldn't hide it from anyone.

She pulled me into a hug, rubbing my back, she started walking me back to the clubhouse. We sat at a table, calling over a crow eater for a couple beers. She took one for herself and slide the other one towards me.

"How do you do it Gemma?" I said, breaking the silence first. How could she possibly be so calm and collected.

"What do you mean honey?" She said, taking a swig of her beer.

"This time was different, he was acting as though he won't be coming back," I said, putting my head in my hands. "I know I shouldn't be asking questions, and I normally wouldn't."

"You've been strong, you've lasted longer than I ever thought you would," she said, pulling out a cigarette and lighting it before she continued "but this life, it isn't for you."

I looked up immediately, thinking I hadn't heard her correctly. She took a drag and another swig of her beer. "You heard me right. Finish your beer and I'll have one of the prospects get you home." She stood from the table, leaning forward to kiss me on the forehead. "It was nice meeting you sweetheart." She walked away, leaving me to my thoughts and a hole in my chest.

Looks like I would be the one who wouldn't be returning tomorrow.


	8. Chapter 8

_Flashback_

_My mind hadn't stopped since my talk with Gemma. Her words made me sick to my stomach. I always had the feeling that she liked me, but after last night, I didn't know what to think._

_I didn't want to say goodbye to Jax, but she got me thinking. Maybe Gemma was right. We are completely different. I wanted to ask questions about the club, about his life. Gemma had made it clear that wasn't allowed. As much as I wanted to ask, I was terrified of the answers I might get._

_I knew what I had to do, and it was going to take everything I had to actually go through with it._

* * *

><p>SAMCRO was known for lots of things in Charming, throwing parties had been one of them. That night the clubhouse was packed. Donna had me taking shots with her at the bar.<p>

Jax was sitting at one of the tables surrounding the bar, with a beer in his hand and a smoke between his lips. I could see him from the corner of my eye. With everything going on in the clubhouse, his eyes hadn't left me.

I grabbed two more shots and stood from the bar, about to walk to the table that Jax was sitting at. Before I could Gemma walked towards him and sat down.

* * *

><p>Jax's point of view<p>

I couldn't take my eyes off of her. Hard to believe that she was actually here after all this time. My mom came and sat down at the table with me, breaking my gaze of Alexis.

Gemma looked at me, then turned and looked at Alexis. Turning back around, rolling her eyes at me.

"What happened with Alexis is ancient history mom." I said, taking a drag of my smoke.

"She hurt this family, tried to pull you away."

"I didn't leave, did I?"

"But she did, it broke your heart."

"I guess." I said, running a hand through my hair.

"You guess? She crushed you Jackson." Gemma said reaching out for my hand, but I pulled away.

"I was nineteen. It was first love bullshit. I grew up. I got over it. Its time you got over it too." I said, as I stood up from the table.

I left my mom sitting at the table. I wasn't in the mood to hear anything she had to say about Alexis. When she left it broke my heart, but having her here with me, was like a wake up. I wasn't going to mess this up again.

* * *

><p>Jax walked up to me and slid his arm around me.<p>

"What was that all about?" I said to Jax, gazing in Gemma's direction.

"Nothing for you to worry about darlin'. " He said leaning in and kissing my forehead.

I knew that eventually Jax would want to talk about why I left. It had to be in the back of his mind.

"Hey, you doing ok?" He said pushing hair behind my ear.

"I'm okay, just a lot on my mind." I said trying to muster up a smile for him.

He pulled my hand to his mouth, kissing it along my knuckles. He motioned to the dorm rooms, with a sly smile on his face. He began walking towards them, holding my hand, pulling me behind him.

We enter his room, he closes the door behind me. I sat down on his bed, looking around the room, taking it all in. It didn't look much different from what I had remembered. Other than being a little messier. Beer bottles, overflowing ashtrays, and empty cigarette packs littered the floor around his bed.

"I'm not much of a housekeeper." He says picking a few beer bottles up, throwing them into the trash can close the the bathroom.

"I'm not here to see your room," I said pulling him in close to me by his belt loops "I'm here to see you." All my thoughts leaving my mind.

Being around him always did this to me. Like every thought or worry that I had, was lifted when I was in the same room as him.

I stood, walking to the door, turning the lock and facing back to him. A smile creeping across his face, he sat on the bed. I walked to him slowly, pulling my shirt off over my head. Reaching where Jax sat on the bed, I ran my fingers through his hair, down to his neck and over his shoulders. I pushed his kutte down his arms, letting it fall onto the bed. I eagerly pulled his shirt off, wanting to feel his skin against mine. I straddled him, and his arms wrapped around me, pulling me into him. He stood, still holding me, turning around and laying me down. Not once breaking the stare into my eyes.

He stood once more to undo his belt, sliding his pants down to the ground.

"Can you do me one favor?" I said, smiling, staring up at him.

"Of course, anything for you."

"Wear your kutte?" I asked, blushing.

He laughed and picked his kutte up off the bed. Pulling it back over his shoulders. "I aim to please, babe." He said with a laugh, then jumping back on top of me.

* * *

><p>The next morning, I woke to the sound of the shower, and empty spot next to me. I could smell coffee coming from somewhere in the clubhouse. The water switched off and I rolled over to get a better view of the bathroom.<p>

I watched as Jax got out of the shower, pulling a towel from the rack on the wall. He wrapped it around his waist and made his way over to the bed.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you."

"I'm glad you did, wouldn't want to miss out on that show." I said, laying up in bed, stretching, letting the sheet fall down, exposing my naked body.

"Be careful darlin', doing stuff like that might get me started again." He said, kissing me quickly on the lips. "I've got a quick errand to run today, but it shouldn't take me long. You can stay here, or I can run you back to my place, if you want?"

"If I could get a ride back to the house. I'd like to shower and change." I said reaching for a shirt that was lying on the ground.

I finished dressing and collected the rest of my things. Jax stopped to talk to a few of the club members before we left.

When we got to Jax's house. I climbed off his bike. He gave me the key to the house, gave me a kiss, and headed off to run his errand.

He hadn't gone into detail, so I knew it was for the club. Even now I was going to follow the rules Gemma had laid down for me all those years ago. I would not ask questions. I knew what was coming when he got home. I was going to comfort him, in the best way I knew how.

* * *

><p>That evening, Jax came home, exhaustion all over his face. His sweater was zipped all the way up, his hands in his pockets. I walked towards him, kissed him on the cheek.<p>

"You look worn out. Why don't you go take a shower. I've got dinner going for you, it should be done when you get out." I said reaching to unzip his hoodie. He tried to stop me, but it was too late. I had it about halfway down when I noticed splatters of blood down the front of his shirt.

"I'm sorry." He said hanging his head.

"For what?" I said, acting as though I didn't notice the blood.

"You know, when I heard you were back in town, I ran the scenario of how this would work, you and me."

"What'd it look like?"

"Like this. You wondering what kind of bad shit I was doing, me saying I'm sorry."

With that, he turned and walked to his room. Leaving me standing alone in the kitchen. I wasn't sure what that was supposed to mean to me. Was it his way of saying that this wasn't going to work?

A ringing from my phone interrupted my thoughts. I pulled it from my pocket, answering it without knowing the number.

"Can I ask you a question?" Gemma's voice came through right away.

"I'm tired. I'm not really up for this." I said, looking towards Jax's room.

"Just trying to figure out what's going on. You and Jax are obviously reconnected."

"Honestly? I don't know what we are." I said, knowing where this was going.

"Thats what concerns me. You're clearly not one of them."

"Glad thats clear." Irritation hinting in my voice.

"So what happens next? You become his old lady? What does that look like?"

"Okay I get it." All I wanted to do was hang up, but I didn't want her to feel like she won.

"I know you hate me, but this isn't me being some overbearing bitch. This is someone telling you the truth. You and Jax is a bad idea. Someone better start thinking clearly before both of you get hurt."

"Well it wouldn't be my first bad idea, it seems to follow me wherever I go." I said, tears running down my face.

"You know you are smarter, and more strong willed than anyone I've ever met. You need to shine some of that on this thing with Jax. He's not smart enough right now to do what's right. You have to be the one to break this off. Save both of you from something bad." With that, she hung up the phone.

Jax got out of the shower, and we sat down to the table to eat dinner. I tried to keep the conversation going, but I found my mind wondering. We finished up, cleaning the mess up without any words exchanged.

We made our way to his room. Sitting down on the edge of the bed, while he made himself comfortable, and it all started coming out.

"Your mom says that I have to end this, that whatever we're doing here can't work."

"You believe her?" He said putting his arm around my waist.

"What is this? What do you want?" I said, standing up from the bed quickly.

"I want you to stop listening to my crazy mom, and get some sleep." Sitting up in bed, running his hand over his exhausted face.

"We can't keep looking the other way, we have to think about this. What the hell are we doing?"

He pulled me into him. Tears in my eyes. I was trying not to let them fall. Kissing the top of my head, running his hands through my hair.

"Then we should talk about all this."

"Where do I even start?" I knew I needed to tell him why I left. What happened after I left. What would he think? I didn't want him to hate me for what I did.


	9. Chapter 9

_Flashback_

_I had no idea where I was going, but I didn't want to stop driving. Every time I did, the crying became uncontrollable. _

_Why was it that as soon as I started feeling like I could be ok with the life, finally be apart of it, Gemma had to say something to make me second guess myself. She had to be right though, if she wasn't I wouldn't have run from it, from him. Now here I am, more confused than ever, with nowhere to go._

_Yesterday I had been worried. He had made me feel like he might not be coming home. Feeling like the kiss we shared, would be the last. Now it was the last. It wasn't him that wouldn't be coming back though. _

* * *

><p>"I really have no idea where to start. I shouldn't have left. It seemed so much easier to run, leave all of this behind, everything that I didn't know about you." I said sitting up, facing towards him. I needed to see his face. I had always been able to tell what he was thinking just by looking at him.<p>

"Why didn't you just ask me? About my life I mean. I would have told you anything you wanted to know." He said, slightly looking to the side. I knew for a fact, even without looking at his face, that wasn't true.

"We both know that isn't true. I'd heard enough around the clubhouse to know that."

"I just never wanted you to worry."

"More like you didn't think I could handle it, and in all honesty, I don't think that I could have back then." I had never admitted that to myself until tonight. I looked down at my hands, not wanting him to see the realization on my face.

"I think it was both. I didn't want you to think any less of me. You had this idea of who I was, and if you found out the truth it would have scared you away."

"I had an idea. There were signs that I chose to ignore. That summer you started prospecting, you came back from that first run, you seemed different. I tried not to think anything of it. Gemma told me not to ask questions, told me it wasn't my business. When I went to your room, I picked up your clothes and a gun fell out. You shouldn't have to carry a gun on a blood drive."

"You know when I came home from that last run, and you weren't here, I was crushed. Everyday after, things started getting rough for the club. I convinced myself it was for the better that you took off. I was relieved you weren't around to see it, to see me. I just didn't know what I did to make you run. I played the last day over and over in my head trying to figure out where I went wrong."

"You didn't do anything to make me leave. You had everything to do with why I should have stayed. I gave up, I was more worried about what everyone else thought about me. The only person that I should have cared about was you."

"What do you mean what everyone else thought about you. Everyone loved you, they still do." He said, confused.

"Nothing...it was nothing really." I said looking away from him.

"Now who isn't telling the truth?" He said, tracing one finger across my chin, turning my head towards him. I had no choice but to look. This wasn't fair. He knew what it did to me.

"It was your mom. She told me I didn't belong. That your life wasn't for me. I was devastated. I thought she liked me."

"Seriously, don't ever listen to my crazy ass mom again." I could hear the irritation in his voice. The last thing I wanted was for him to confront his mom. I knew him though. That was exactly what he was going to do. He began to get out of bed.

"Jax don't! It's too late for you to call her now! Please? I shouldn't have said anything."

"She shouldn't have said it. I'm going to talk to her." He said, grabbing a pair of jeans from the floor.

"At least wait till tomorrow," I said, grabbing his hand. "for me?"

"That's not fair, you know I'd do anything for you." He said looking into my eyes, pushing a strand of hair from my face.

"Tonight, the only thing I want is you. Tonight, I will comfort you in the best way I know how."

He took my face in his hands, stared into my eyes, and smiled.

"Babe, tonight it's just me and you. You have my word."

I felt closer to him. We had opened up. Talked about things that had been in the back of my mind for years. I knew we still had a long way to go, but this was enough for right now.

There wouldn't be much sleeping tonight. We were lost in each other.

The next morning, I woke to the faint ringing of a phone. I was trapped in the arms of Jax, and not even the ringing phone would make me leave them. I waited for it to quit before I tried to close my eyes again. Finally it ended. Not even seconds later it began again.

"You've got to be kidding me." I whispered to myself. I carefully removed myself from his grasp, trying not to wake him. I searched around the room. I grabbed his pants from the floor. As I pulled the phone from his pocket, it stopped ringing. He had 10 missed calls, all of which, were from Gemma.

I sat back on the bed, just staring at him. I loved every minute of our time together. Eventually I was going to have to go back. As much as I didn't want to. I had a life in New York. Hopefully Jax and I could figure out what we were before I had to go back. Maybe going back would be to close that chapter in my life.

"Jax, wake up. Your mom has been calling this morning." I said gently shaking him. He groaned and rolled over.

"I don't want to talk to her." He said pulling the covers over his face.

"I think it's important. She called 10 times." With that he uncovered his face and took the phone. He listened to one of the voicemails she had left.

"She said to meet her at the hospital. Didn't go into details, but it's probably nothing. You know my mom, she's kinda dramatic." He climbed out of bed and started to dress. "Are you going to get some clothes on and come with me?"

"Oh yeah, I didn't know you wanted me to go." I said standing.

"Of course I do, I don't want you out of my sight." He said pulling me into a kiss.

* * *

><p>We pulled into the parking lot of the hospital. Gemma was standing at the doors smoking, waiting impatiently.<p>

"I tried calling you." She said storming up to us. She threw her smoke on the ground.

"What happened?" Jax said, his voice sounding more concerned.

"I drove by Wendy's place. Saw her laying on the floor through the window. I went in and found these matches, found them next to empty thumb bags." She said as we walked down the hall to where Wendy was.

"Shit. What the hell happened?" He asked the doctor.

"When's the last time you seen her?" The doctor asked Jax.

"A couple of weeks maybe."

I knew right away, he was blaming himself for this.

"Well her hands and feet were full of tracks. Toxicology reports aren't back yet, but most likely crank."

"The baby?" He asked looking into the hospital room.

"We had to do an emergency c-section. He's ten weeks premature."

"Holy shit!" Gemma and Jax said in unison. I could see the tears in his eyes collecting. The man he was, I knew he wouldn't let them fall.

"Come on let's sit down and I'll walk you through it." The doctor said, motioning to the waiting room.

"Just tell me." Jax said, not moving anywhere.

"He's got a congenital heart defect and a tear in his abdomen. The tear and the early birth are from the drugs but the CHD is probably genetic. Either one would be serious, but not life threatening. However the two of them together. I'm sorry. He's got a 20% chance, and I'm afraid that's being optimistic."

"Oh my god. She never wanted to talk to me, I didn't know." He said looking to me, then Gemma.

"She missed her last three appointments. No one knew." The doctor said, trying to reassure Jax. "We are going to attempt to fix his belly first. If he stabilizes then we'll go in and fix the heart. If you want, I can take you back to see him now."

Instead of Jax following the doctor back to Abel's room, he started heading for the exit.

"Jackson!?" Gemma yelled after him.

"Stay with Alexis and go with the doctor. I have something I need to do."

* * *

><p>It seemed like I waited forever for him to come home. I found myself wandering into Abel's room. Jax was a father now. His son was in the hospital fighting for his life. Jax was understandably upset. I just hope that I can help him get through this.<p>

I couldn't help but think, if I had stayed would this have been Jax and I. If only I had the strength to stand up to Gemma. I gave up so much when I left. I just hope that it isn't too late.

Jax finally pulled up on his bike. Dinner had just come out of the oven and the table had been set. When he walked in the door I was nervous. I had no idea what to expect.

He came straight for me and wrapped his arms around me, pulling me into him.

"I'm so glad you're here." he said, squeezing me tighter.

"I don't want to be anywhere else."

With that he picked me up, cleared the table with his arm. Everything fell to the floor, plates shattered. He laid me back on the table, kissing me deeply. I could feel him growing between my legs. He paused long enough to undo his belt, pulling down his pants and boxers. He pulled my shorts down my legs, along with my panties. Before I knew it he was deep inside me.

Dinner was going to have to wait….


End file.
